Breaking News: Jesus Chooses Arizona Cardinals
This could not have been an easy decision for the lord almighty. But ultimately, this Kurt Warner arts and crafts project (pictured below) won the necessary divine favor to advance to the Superbowl…
Someone might argue that Jesus wouldn’t particularly warm up to this three-headed Cerberus-looking chimera that the All-Pro Quarterback has sketched here. But, then again, this man is the alternative:
Eagles’ defensive back Brian Dawkins makes several mistakes in this piece. First of all, praying to a football is probably something that would piss off Jesus. Not to mention the fact that there are 24 footballs in play in the average NFL playoff game. So, while your personal football deity is being toweled off on the sidelines, some Unclean Heretical Football is making friends with Larry Fitzgerald.
Also, I’m pretty sure that Wolverine does not appear anywhere in the New Testament.
Not to mention his dabbling in voodoo rituals to ward off opponent field goals. Talk about mixing metaphors. These Eagles have gone well beyond the divine in a desperate effort to conjure a Superbowl ring.
Maybe next year Mr. Dawkins should try playing football the way that Jesus would. And that is to say, not at all.
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I’m a lover of football, just wish it was played all year round, thanks for posting such a good article. I’ll be back to read often now.
Dave