From Droogie at Daily Kos comes a new and exciting competition (we here at The Mep Report take no obvious position on the content herein.  You’ll all just have to read between the lines for yourselves…):

The Out-Dick Jim Bunning Contest!

So, here’s a few of the things I’ve done over the past few days to prove my dick credentials, in my ongoing efforts to out-dick Jim Bunning.

Our personal favorites:

1. Hung around outside a soup kitchen and cock-punched the homeless.

1. Ate king-sized Butterfingers, deep-fried and wrapped in bacon outside the window of a weight loss center.

1. Designed a fully-functional Puppy Incinerator, that can engulf 55 puppies in a clutch of flame every 30 seconds.

1. Downgraded the Puppy Incinerator to make it less energy efficient and capable of producing four times as much carbon dioxide, sulfur dioxide and mercury, which is all sequestered in a poorly insulated vault located at a children’s playground.

1. Drove right into a puddle of water and road grime, splashing a busload of stranded single mothers carrying babies whose vehicle had broken down on the side of the road.

1. Posted videos on Youtube that claim to have new movies and music, but which really contain some techno song and footage from an anime cartoon.

1. Promised I’d give Conan O’Brien my late night talk show, then reneged years later.

1. Denied health care coverage to a toddler, claiming his broken leg was a pre-existing condition. He was born with the leg, after all.

1. Stood right next to another man at a row of urinals, even though there was plenty of room for a buffer zone unused urinal.

1. Heated up my cream of tuna with garlic sauce soup in the office microwave, then just left it there.

1. Told a gay employee that he’s free to do whatever he wants around the office, provided he gives me fashion advice and doesn’t “mince around too much.”

1. Borrowed someone’s car, then parked it across three handicapped spaces, then claimed the parking ticket and massive key-gash across the hood were both there before I borrowed the car.

1. Watched an old lady try unsuccessfully to shovel snow off her car from my heated apartment building, sipping coffee and laughing uproariously.

1. Yelled out the ending to “Shutter Island” to a line of movie patrons standing at the ticket counter — after they’d bought tickets.

1. Started the Facebook group, “If 1,000,000 people join this group, I’ll continue feeding my cat.”

1. Every time it snows, I yell, “That Al Gore is full of shit, man.”

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