Much like Texas, everything in America is done in a big way. We don’t half-ass things – we fully-ass them. So, while Japan is reacting to a totally legitimate and quantifiable crisis caused by a natural disaster, Americans are panicking at the hoaxy spectacle of radioactive particles traveling 5,000 miles and settling right on top of the 405 freeway in Los Angeles…

Several things baffle me about panics like this. Firstly, people are now hoarding hundreds of packets of ‘anti nuclear-pills’ that have absolutely zero possibility of helping them, or preventing any sort of radiation poisoning. It seems as long as something can be taken in a pill form, it is pre-approved and justified for American consumption, regardless of whether it actually does anything or not. Remind me later to open up the first PlaceboTown Superstore.

But secondly, and even more stupefying, is that these very same people who are worried about trace amounts of radiation traveling halfway across the globe, are seemingly totally fine with drinking arsenic in their tap water. They are hunky-dory with eating PCBs and Bisphenol-A, and excreted hormones from hundreds of millions of ingested prophylactics. They have absolutely no objection to a multi-faceted poisoning from their daily routine, so long as these poisons are American-made. So throw me a pack of Marlboro’s and a fifth of Jack Daniels, and lets take the rest of the Jimmy Dean bacon-wrapped corndogs down into the nucular shelter to chase down our cache of potassium-iodide pills. That’ll show them Japanese particles whose boss.

Originally posted on Technorati.

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