Global Warming: You Can’t Do Jack
Setting aside my personal disbelief in global warming for the moment, let’s examine why any one given person can’t do a thing about global warming, even in America.
Money Single-Handedly Prevents Progress in World
Still unable to imagine a world without money? You’re being inefficient to the point of destroying the world. Here’s the proof.
The Smell of Capitalism in the Morning
Since moving to Jersey, my answering machine has been inundated with messages from a “Jeff Price” at “NCO Financial Systems Incorporated”. “Jeff,” a computer-generated voice, is attempting to collect a debt. I figured this was an easy case of mistaken identity with a new phone number, given that I have never dealt with credit at all, but I was once again reminded that Google is your friend in modern America…
From the No-Crud Bureau: Violence Ineffective vs. Pre-Rational Beings
We can debate the efficacy of violence against anyone all we like, but it’s pretty clear that committing violence against the very young is a bad idea.
In other news, spanking is remarkably ineffective at changing the behavior of baby lab rats.
Asking Questions Grounds for Resignation
If you don’t think the US government is flawless, Republicans don’t want you in the administration. Except, you know, if we’re talking about government programs.
Mother Elated by News Daughter has Been Tortured for Decades
Elba Reinshocker embraces her mother, Hilde, after being discovered in a basement where she was chained up for 22 years as a sex slave. Hilde said she “could not comprehend how happy she was” to learn that this was her daughter’s fate.
The Time Traveler’s Wife Redeemed!
Scientists have recently discovered that mastodons once excreted what has become our canon of elite cinema. This may have prompted Mep Reporter Russ Gooberman to declare the recently-released film “The Time Traveler’s Wife” a “steaming pile of mastodon dung“.
(Here there be spoilers.)