Here’s some footage from last night’s Letterman interview with an “I’m extremely over this,” Joaquin Phoenix. Only a super-genius like Andy Kaufman could have crafted this kind of unintentional comedy. Without him, we simply have to wait for fed-up starlets to stumble onto a talk show while on Quaaludes.

Hopefully we’ll see more of this in the future, as it was infinitely more entertaining than the usual dog and pony nonsense you get from Late Night.

Genius.  Extra points if you can figure out what he’s saying at the very end.

Having a hard time memorizing playing cards while spending all day plotting to kill your doctor’s family? Now you can do both in one easy tutorial!

Brought to you by crap catalogue, Everything is Terrible.

Here we go again. Alex Rodriguez admits to substance abuse back in 2003, and the Cadre of Crusading Baby Boomer Moralist Sportswriters are again denouncing the current crop of MLB players (and the records they hold) as “tainted.” They are crying to the Baseball Heavens,

“Oh Mercy, Lawd! Take us back! Take us back to a time when baseball was played by the honorable and when records made sense! A time of purity! A time of nobility! We can’t stand the awful sight of these players who have no respect for basic rules and decency! Deliver us, Lawd!”

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Fun Rocketboom episode today on obnoxious loquacity…

We have a not-so-minor obsession with pirates here in Mep Land. So it’s my pleasure to introduce you to the premier Pirate Rap Group on the internet.

These guys can lay down a serious shanty with the best of them. They even produce their own music videos.

Here’s a nicely addictive track of theirs to listen to while you enjoy the album cover ARRRRRRRRRT:

Listen Now!

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In the strangely prophetic movie Demolition Man, all restaurants are Taco Bells (Tacos Bell?). Apparently Taco Bell was the final victor in the “franchise wars” that Sandra Bullock’s character describes as one of the key events of the early 21st century.

Welcome to the future, friends. Today, the internet at large reported that Circuit City has joined KB Toys, Linens and Things, and The Sharper Image in the ever-growing elephant graveyard of defunct franchises.

And to this commentator, a much more interesting question than “Who’s next?” is “Who’s last?” Who will ultimately win the franchise wars and provide all of our goods and services in our soon-approaching distopian, fascist, future state?

The good money is on Wallmart, or SuperWallMart, or even UltraMegaBigHappyFunTimeWallmart. But there are other contenders as well. Best Buy may decide to raid Time Warner in a bid to turn off the Internet and starve out Amazon.com. Anne Taylor may surreptitiously place explosives in all of the hoop earrings at JCPenny. The possibilities are endless. And I look forward to all of them.

You may recognize this commercial. It plays roughly every 12 seconds on every major television network:

Anything this repetitive and oversimplified is bound to trip my Homer Simpson-esque “urge to kill, rising” mental switch.

A new and increasingly annoying twist is a remix of this advertisement featuring actors pretending to be ordinary people. They go through the motions singing the jingle, while self-inducing awkward fake laughter and mimicking general outtake-like behavior.

There are few ways to more poorly reproduce reality than to ask actors to play self-conscious, untrained, shlubs with a camera pointed at them. You see, most commercial grade actors are already self-conscious, untrained shlubs with a camera pointed at them.

Forcing people this vapid and shallow to look inward is a very dangerous exercise in existentialism. And irony-challenged television commercial directors probably aren’t the pioneers that we would choose to lead on this particular front.

My DVR is ill-equipped to fully insulate me from this garbage. Even fast forwarding through it makes me want to assume a sumo wrestling stance while shouting “FIVE, FIVE, FIVE, FIVE DOLLAH. FIVE DOLLAH!! FIVE DOLLAH FOOT LONG!,” at random passers by.

Please, if you have access to anyone that took part in producing any part of this commercial campaign, ask the bad men to stop.

Hi and welcome to a brand new manifestation for mepreport.com. (TMR). TMR started at the end of 2005 as a way for three old friends (from the Brandeis debate team) to keep in touch with each other. Nearly every week, we’d all log in to Teamspeak and shoot the breeze for hours and hours. At some point, some knucklehead starting recording and posting these conversations. The rest is history.

We now have literally hundreds of hours of free entertainment for your media consuming pleasure. Feel free to listen to a podcast episode (a one hour radio show which could be categorized as a “talk show” or “improvised comedy show”), watch one of our videos (originally created for promotion of the podcast), check out some Mep Art (cover art that accompanies each released episode), or read articles written by various Meppers. The choice is yours.

Since this format is brand new to us, we would love any feedback or criticism that you may have for us. Feel free to e-mail at any time to ask questions or make suggestions for improvements. You can find our contact info in the left hand bar.

Thanks for visiting,

The Emu

Former Senator Ted Stevens has been an internet punching bag for some time now. This was our attempt to get in on the Stevens-bashing action after the bribery scandal and indictment that marred his re-election campaign.

The video didn’t take off the way we had hoped, but it was insanely fun to produce.